I know I look young for my age. I try to count it as a blessing, and know that I’ll probably look great when I’m 50 or 60. But sometimes it gets a little awkward. I get hit on by boys young enough to be my kids.
Funny example. It was a casual Friday, and I was wearing jeans, a tee shirt, and a pair of boots I’ve had since 1994. Yes. These boots are 21 years old. I love them. Shut up. I pull in to a drive through, order a hot coffee to go, and hand the kid my card at the window. He grazes my hand as he takes it, and Joey Tribiani Chin Pops me. (He even actually said “How you doing?”)
I don’t even think this kid was old enough to know who Joey Tribiani is. And all I could think was:
I’m still laughing. And hey, laughter keeps you young. I fully believe “you’re only as old as you feel”, and I try to live my life that way to the best of my abilities. I’m a big kid at heart, whether I’m singing along to Disney, dancing in the aisle of a movie theatre (also to Disney), or waving back to Princess Ariel in a Disney parade. (I’m sensing a theme here… I guess I need to go back to Disney….)
What I’m trying to say is I don’t reject my 30s out of fear of getting older. I’ve met women who do – they have perpetual 29th birthday parties. That’s not me. But it does seem like my default answer for a while, when asked my age, was “27”. I think sometimes we get stuck in an age. Or maybe what we expected our 30s to look like isn’t what our life looks like, and it gets hard to reconcile the two.
Chris and I live a very free life. We don’t have bedtimes. We watch what we want on TV. We can eat out an any restaurant, or go see a movie, at the drop of a hat. There are days when there are dirty dishes in the sink, and laundry to do, and its ok, because we just have to take care of us. And the dogs. But they don’t mind the dishes. In fact, they’ll gladly help do them. But I think that carefree lifestyle has the drawback of feeling a little like we’re still in college sometimes. Like with all the responsibilities we do have, we don’t have the big one that most people our age do.
Mom had two kids, a 5 year old and an 8 year old, by 35. I have friends who have kids from ranging from newborn to 17. I feel like I’m supposed to have two kids by now… So maybe that causes a little bit of a disconnect, and there’s a little bit of doubt that has been in the back of my mind, especially as I near my birthday. We discovered my first pregnancy right around my birthday, 2009. And I was pregnant with my fourth shortly after my birthday, 2012. Now, as we try for our fifth pregnancy, three years later, I hear little whispers in the back of my head sometimes, wondering if I took too long getting my head right. My doctors all say “no; don’t worry; no problem; it’s not too late”, and I have a large cheering section keeping me positive. But if I’m honest, that’s the one place where I feel 35. (Especially when the blood thinners I am taking make me feel short of breath and lethargic. On bad days I feel 90.)
But on good days I feel 27, and can clearly pass for younger. So it’s up and down. It’s a roller coaster. It’s life. You can either be the ladies in the front row, or the ladies in the third row.
I want to be in the front row for this life.
So here’s to the breeze in your skirts and laughing so hard people can see your tonsils. To having good people in your life, and only good people. To knowing what you want, and moving forward to get it. To being established in your craft, and still learning more. To knowing who you are, loving who you are, and still evolving who you are. To Friends, and Family, and the Friends Who Become Family.